


Juliet

by woa



Series: ones that aren't finished and may never be [1]
Category: Smosh, Smosh Games
Genre: Implied/Referenced Depression, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Past Abuse, Trans Character, Transgender, because meds and therapy and his life's a lot better than it was, in senior year of high school, that's not currently an issue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-30
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-26 11:24:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3849121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woa/pseuds/woa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i am not a transman, i am genderfluid, but not on hormones, so i have no actual idea about the true effects of T and/or 'spotting', so keep that in mind.</p>
        </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Joshua didn’t talk about his past that much.

Sure he mentioned his dad and Star Wars, or his mom and her tattoos, but really not much.

He mentioned being a paranormal investigator.

 

But what about his childhood?

 

Well, there was a reason he didn’t talk about it.

Because when he was a kid, he hadn’t been ‘Joshua’.

He had been Juliet.

Joshua was transgender.

FTM.

Female-to-Male

Assigned biologically female at birth.

Joshua had never felt right within his body.

He didn’t like it when his mom dressed him in pink, and he didn’t want to play dolls inside.

But the boys wouldn’t let him play with them either.

So he played video games.

He tried to ignore the looks his parents gave him.

And he tried to be strong when his father turned to the bottle.

And when he came home and yelled and hit Joshua.

He tried not to think about how much of a 'disappointment' he was to his parents.

He buried himself in the virtual world when his mom got worse than his dad.

 

Joshua ran away from home when he was 14.

He couldn't take it anymore.

His 'home-life' wasn't a home.

He had already graduated High School, skipping a few grades.

(He had plenty of time to study, since he had no friends.)

 

He went to live with his Aunt Maggie.

His mother’s sister.

She was the black sheep of the family.

Aunt Maggie became his legal guardian when his parents were deemed ‘unfit’ by the courts.

His dad was an abusive alcoholic.

His mom was addicted to heroin.

Aunt Maggie was a very good attorney, and had connections.

Joshua had started taking T when he first moved in with Aunt Maggie.

 

When Joshua was 16 his mother overdosed on heroin and fell into a coma.

He and his aunt visited, and Joshua was in the room with her when her heart gave out.

2 months after his mom was buried his father was arrested for drunk driving and was charged with manslaughter, when he the crash ended up killing the 3 year old in the back seat of the opposing SUV.

Joshua didn’t really feel bad about his father's incarceration or his mother's death.

More of a second hand grief.

They had never been there for him, or accepted him anyway, and he didn't even think of them as family anymore.

 

His parents were the reason his life hurt so much.

They were part of the reason for the scars.

 

When he turned 19 he moved out and got a job as a financial advisor.

His employer- Mr. Skimmer- was amazing and became a dear friend.

All of Joshua's previous jobs had been under his birth name 'Juliet Ovenshire'. 

Since that was what all his documents said.

(Though he preferred jobs that he got paid in cash for. Such as fixing teenage boys computers after they watched too much porn.)

But Mr. Skimmer accepted him for who he was and helped Joshua and Maggie change all of Joshua's legal documents so that Joshua was finally accepted as male by society.

 

So, if on paper he was a he, and he looked like a he, especially after taking T for all those years and getting top surgery at the age of 20, why would Joshua tell people that he had been born a she?

 

So Joshua didn’t talk about his past that much.

And it wasn’t a big deal.

For years no one knew.

Except his Aunt Maggie, Mr. Skimmer and his PCP.

(His own father didn't count).

 

Later Joshua got a job at Clevvergames.

And it was fun.

He like Matt and David.

But he didn't tell them.

And when Smosh bought them out, that was cool, as well.

Anthony and Ian were fun guys, Mari was kind and sweet and cute, and later there was Wes, who was funny and also kind, and Amra who became a great friend of his.

And it didn’t bother Joshua that he was ‘stealth’.

Most of the times he just didn’t see why he would tell his friends.

For one he didn’t know their views on trans people.

And telling them could lose him his job, and all his friends.

Living with Wes was actually a lot of fun, and Wes respected Joshua’s privacy.

Which was good, because one of the truths about living together is that you’re bound to see each other’s junk at some point.

Which hasn’t happened yet, thank god.

Because Joshua had had top surgery, but he didn’t think bottom surgery was for him.

So he still had a vag, not a dick.

 

Wes had also never seen him without a shirt.

None of the Smosh crew had.

 _(no wax challenge thingy and a lot of game bangs)_  

What it boiled down to was that Joshua was self-conscious.

It was hard not to be when he was surrounded by men.

Most who were fit and manly- like Flitz and Wes and Anthony.

And Joshua's body was still too feminine and soft.

And he had scars.

He wasn’t ashamed, per say, that he was FTM, he just didn’t want to explain.

After all these years, too.

 

“Hey Joven?”

Wes knocked on his roommate's semi-opened bedroom door and poked his head around.

 

It was Saturday and Joven was just laying on his bed thinking about life and how unfair it was.

He was feeling a bit dysphoric, it happened.

Still, after all these years.

He raised his head and looked at Wes.

“Yeah?”

Wes stepped in Joven’s room.

“Anthony invited us to the Smosh house for a pool party barbeque.”

Joven nodded.

“Okay, give me 5 minutes to get ready.”

 

Wes nodded and walked out, shutting the door behind him.

He was a bit worried about Joven.

Sometimes his friend just got like this, and Wes didn’t know how to help.

Hopefully the party would cheer Joven up.

 

Joven got up and looked for his bathing suit.

He didn’t like swimming.

He couldn’t pack when wearing swim trunks.

He quickly changed so he had on a pair of trunks and an old Smosh t-shirt that was a size too big.

 

Wes felt like the car ride was awkward and quiet, and he tried to think if he had done something to piss Joven off.

Joven was just lost in his thoughts and didn’t notice the silence.

“Hey!”

Ian greeted them, handing them lemonade and leading them out to the back.

They were the last two there.

Flitz, Lasercorn, and Sohinki were playing marco-polo in the water, Sohinki playing marco.

Anthony was lounging in the shade by the edge of the pool listening to Mari, who had her feet in the water.

Ian walked over and sat next to the corner where Lasercorn was.

Wes quickly pulled off his shirt and cannonballed into the water.

Narrowly missing Flitz.

All the guys had their shirts off.

It was fucking hot out.

Joven sipped his lemonade and walked over to Anthony and Mari.

He sat down on the other lawn chair, half-listening to Mari’s story.

He lay back and must have fallen asleep.

 

Anthony poked him in the side, waking him.

“Joven? Joven... wake up or I’ll pour water on you.”

Joven opened his left eye and glared at Anthony.

“Hey, everyone’s in the pool having fun.”

Joven sat up.

Sure enough Mari and Ian had jumped in and the 6 of them were playing 3 way chicken.

“Oh”

Joven stretched.

“You okay man?”

Anthony was worried.

“Just tired, stayed up watching Doctor Who.”

Joven lied.

Anthony looked like he didn’t really buy the excuse, but just said.

“Okay, well you're sweating buckets, let’s go swimming.”

and pulled Joven up and pushed him in the water.

Joven hadn’t been expecting that, hadn’t wanted to go in the water at all.

Anthony jumped in next to him.

“You fucking bastard!”

Joven laughed teeth chattering at the sudden change in temperature.

Anthony laughed loudly and splashed at Joven.

Lasercorn swam over and interjected.

"You could have at least let Joven get his shirt off.”

Laughing as the purple fabric stuck to Joven's 'girly' chest.

Joven froze.

“Right, right, sorry man, guess you won’t have a shirt to wear later on.”

Anthony said in a joking voice.

Joven blushed.

He stammered something that could have been an apology and quickly got out of the pool.

Without stopping or looking back Joven made his way into the house, grabbing a towel by the door so he wouldn’t drip everywhere and locked himself in the bathroom, before anyone could stopped him.

It really wasn’t the best way he could have handled the situation.

 

Lasercorn looked at Sohinki then Anthony.

“Did I say something I shouldn’t have.”

Everyone else looked confused too, and couldn't answer him.

“I’ll go check on him, okay?”

Mari volunteered, jumping out of the pool and wrapping a towel around herself.

She made it to the bathroom, following the small trail of water drops left by Joven.

She knocked softly on the door.

"Jovie?”

She put her ear against the door and listened.

 

Inside Joven was sitting on the floor, one leg bent and his body hunched over his raised knee.

He was quietly crying.

_‘Stupid, stupid, stupid. You could have just borrowed another shirt. God.’_

He thought.

Then he heard Mari outside.

“Yeah”

His voice was watery.

“Can I come in?”

Mari was concerned.

Joven froze.

He had taken his shirt off when he came in.

He knew he wouldn’t be able to get it on quickly now.

“Uhhhhhhh sure, hang on.”

Joven grabbed the towel from where he had put it on the sink and put it over his shoulders.

It covered the scars well enough.

He reached over and unlocked the door.

Mari turned the handle when she heard the click.

She shut it behind her, then looked at Joven.

He was still on the floor.

She noticed that his wet t-shirt was in the sink.

She also realized that she had never seen her friend shirtless before.

“So what’s going on, Jovie?”

She sat down on the floor too, even though it probably wasn’t clean.

“Just tired, and I’m not really feeling well.”

Joven told her.

Mari was unimpressed and raised an eyebrow to show she didn't believe that.

Joven sighed and ducked his head.

“I just don’t feel well."

He repeated before adding in.

"Have you ever had a day where you literally have no want to do anything? Not to eat, or work, or even be a--”

he almost said alive

“--wake?”

He finished, instead.

Mari shook her head, feeling increasingly worried.

Joven suddenly stood up.

Too quickly and he forgot about the towel on his shoulders.

Said towel fell to the ground and Mari gasped quietly.

She saw her friend’s chest.

Two long scars on each side below his pectoral muscles.

And tiny little ones on his sides, especially on his hips.

Joven’s hands came up to futility cover his body, but Mari already saw.

“Joshua? What are those scars from?”

Joven looked at the ground, arms falling to his sides, though he was desperate to cover his chest.

“Which ones?”

He asked in a low voice.

Mari stood too, and walked over, and gently traced on of the two longer ones with her fingertips.

“This one?”

She asked and looked up at him.

“Surgery”

Joven said shortly.

Mari looked like she wanted to ask more but moved to the other long one and looked back up in question.

“Same surgery”

She moved down to the small ones on his hips, looking up into her friend’s eyes.

“What do you think?”

Mari looked at the pink and white raised skin under her fingers then back up at Joven.

“They look self-inflicted.”

Joven nodded and pulled away.

“How long?”

Mari asked, moving back and sitting on the edge of the sink.

Joven sat on the edge of the tub.

“How long what? How long did I? How long has it been since I have?”

Mari nodded.

Joven sighed.

“It started when I was seven. And it stopped around 14. But I did after then too, just not as much. I haven’t done anything for 3, maybe 4 months.”

Joven looked tired.

"I swear."

Mari nodded.

“What kind of surgery?”

His head shot up and a look of fear was in his eyes.

“Can you keep a secret?”

He asked, staring at Mari.

“Yes”

She nodded.

“Promise”

Joven needed to make sure.

“Only if you're not dying.”

Mari told him.

He nodded.

“Bilateral mastectomy, or mastopexy”

He said then buried his face in his hands.

“I don’t know what that means.”

Mari sounded apologetic, after all this seemed like a big thing for her friend.

“More commonly known as ‘top-surgery’ or breast removal surgery.”

Joven said looking straight at her to see her reaction.

Mari was now even more confused.

“Top-surgery? But that’s.... isn’t that for...”

She trailed off.

“Joven? Are you transgender?”

She asked, carefully.

He nodded.


	2. Chapter 2

There was a pregnant pause.

The silence felt awkward and deafening.

Joven was just about to get up and leave.

The bathroom, the house, the country, the world, he didn't know.

But Mari finally said something.

“How come you didn’t ever tell us?”

She didn’t sound mad, or disgusted so Joven let out a small relieved sigh.

“I’ve only told like 3 people, Mari, besides I don’t like to think about it. I guess, I just, I didn’t want anyone to think of me as a girl, again. No offense to you.”

Joven tried to explain.

“None taken, and we wouldn’t have, I don’t think. I don’t think of you as a girl, I can’t even imagine it.”

Joven laughed a bit.

“I never could either, but I spent 14 years of my life with everyone seeing me as one.”

Mari frowned.

“What about your parents? You don’t talk about them either.”

Joven was going to answer when there was a small sneeze from just outside the door.

Mari and he looked at each other and Mari nodded, moving quietly and quickly opened the door.

To find all the guys outside of it, listening.

“Oops?”

Anthony said.

Joven huffed, but wasn't mad.

He wrapped the towel around his shoulders and chest again.

“Can I have a shirt?”

he asked. Ian nodded and darted off to get one.

“Uh, hey Joven... Sorry for eavesdropping?”

Lasercorn apologized.

The others nodded.

Mari shook her head.

“Can the two of us get out of the bathroom?”

Wes and Flitz moved from blocking the doorway.

Mari and Joven walked out and everyone went into the living room.

Ian came down with a shirt and tossed it to Joven, who quickly pulled it on.

The other’s saw most of the scars as he pulled it down, but contained their surprise.

“So...”

Flitz said.

“So. How much did you guys hear from eavesdropping?”

Joven asked.

“Most of it.”

Sohinki said apologetically.

“We followed Mari in”

Wes said.

Joven nodded.

“Okay, so yeah. I’m transgender.”

He looked down.

No one had seemed disgusted in the bathroom/hallway, but you never know.

He sat down on the couch

“Cool? Good for you? I don’t know what to say, um is this a big deal, like should we be doing or saying something, or like what, I mean for me this doesn’t change anything.”

Anthony said, hands flailing, and sat next to Joven.

“Same with me, doesn’t change a thing.”

Lasercorn said., sitting in a chair.

Ian, Sohinki, Wes, Flitz, and Mari nodded to say they agreed, everyone making themselves comfortable.

“But like why - well you said why you didn’t tell us. Which I can kind of understand. Like not entirely, obviously, but yeah”

Wes said.

Joven smiled at his room mate.

“Thanks guys, this actually means a lot to me.”

Flitz, who had a concentrated look on his face asked the question Mari had last asked.

“What about your parents Joven?”

Joven looked down.

“What about them?”

he tried to stall

“You said for 14 years- so what about your parents, did they not....”

Ian trailed off.

“No”

Joven said sadly.

“Oh”

“It’s fine”

Joven said, to everyone’s sad faces.

“I don’t have to deal with them anymore. Plus, hey, I got out of there alive.”

He said in a false cheerful tone, trying to lighten the mood.

Anthony looked up with a mixture of shock and dread.

"Was there a chance that you wouldn’t have? I mean, we heard you and Mari talk about the scars, but Joven?”

Joven shook his head, wanting to get that sad look off Anthony’s face.

“I was depressed then, not suicidal. But my father, well he was never father of the year.”

Joven grimaced in memory.

“Did he hit you?”

Lasercorn sounded mad.

Joven nodded, looking at his friend.

“Are you--- how bad. And where the fuck is this douche?”

Lasercorn looked furious.

“It really wasn’t that bad. Other people have had worse.”

Joven said.

“I don’t care about other fucking people, how much of a scumbag was he and where can I find him.”

The others nodded.

Joven rolled his eyes at them, but really felt touched, that they cared.

“He’s in Gerd Eckhart Prison. He went driving while drunk and hit another car, killing a 3 year old in the backseat. He was charged with manslaughter.”

The others weren’t much happier.

“What about your mom?”

Wes asked.

Joven scoffed.

“In the beginning, she took the brute of my dad’s blows. But as I got older, and the more I refused to be her ‘little girl’ the more I got, and the less she was there. When I left at 14 she spent more time at what everyone called the ‘crack house’ than at home. When I was 16 she OD’d on heroin and fell into a coma. She died shortly after.”

No one knew what to say.

“Jovie! Oh my god.”

Mari moved and hugged him tightly.

And he didn’t flinch away.

“Dude. I’m sorry just for humanity in general. Like on your behalf. Dude.”

Anthony said.

Joven gave him a small smirk.

“Eh, whatever”

He wanted to change the subject, to forget about everything from his past.

Dave seemed to get it and said.

“Let’s play Mario-Kart!”

quickly leaving the living room and heading upstairs.

Ian, Matt, and Flitz followed.

Mari let go of Joven and went too.

It was just Joven, Anthony, and Wes.

Wes quickly hugged him.

“I’m sorry if I ever said or did something in the past, that hurt or offended you.”

He sounded so upset and Joven’s heart broke a bit.

“No, hey, you’re an amazing friend and roommate. Don’t worry about it.”

Wes smiled and then quickly ran upstairs yelling

“I call Bowser!”

It was just him and Anthony now.

“I feel like I should apologise for pushing you into the pool earlier, but I’m not actually sorry. I mean I am, I probably made you feel really uncomfortable, but if I hadn’t I feel like you never would have told us, so sorry- hashtag not sorry.”

Anthony’s voice was laughing but his eyes were serious.

“Seriously, it’s okay, Anthony. I was- still am- a bit uncomfortable, but it’s okay. It’s good to know that you guys are okay with it. With me.”

Joven stood up and stretched.

Anthony did too then hugged him tightly.

Lot’s of hugging today.

“Of course we’re cool with it. I-We love you, Joshua. Now come on we have to show ‘em how to play some Mario-Kart..."


	3. Chapter 3

Not much changed, really.

But Joven still found it strange that now a total of 10 people- 11 if you counted his dad- that knew he was transgender.

And his friends didn't treat him differently, not that much at least.

Wes was more careful of his privacy at their apartment, something that Joven was grateful for.

And everyone tried to refrain from from calling him a girl in jest- like 'Joven, you play like a girl'.

The most significant thing was when Smosh donated money to the local LGBTQA+ organizations.

But nothing had really changed.

Joshua had called his Aunt Maggie and told her that his friends and coworkers (and bosses) knew now, and she had gushed and told him how proud she was of him.

She didn't even try and lie to him, didn't say 'you're parents would be proud of you'.

Because after all this time, Joshua knew his father didn't give a rats ass about him, and his own mother had forgotten her only child long before she died.

Joven was perfectly happy with just putting that behind them, it didn't define him anymore.

And, really Joven just wished they would just forget about it and everything could go back to how it was.

 

Instead, he was absolutely mortified when he started spotting 2 weeks after the pool incident.

His periods had virtually disappeared when Joshua started T, but his doctor had warned him that with stress he could still have some symptoms of menstruation.

Though there was no way that he could get pregnant.

Even if he was sexually active.

(He wasn't comfortable with his body enough to let anyone see him naked.)

(Not that he was a virgin, Kevin a fellow senior- though he had been 17 and Joshua had been only 13; nearly 14).

It was a Tuesday.

The crew was taking a small break between filming and Joshua had escaped to the men's room.

He had panicked, but then wrapped his head around the issue and calmed down enough to text Mari.

"I need a favor."

Then as soon as that sent he followed it up with.

"Don't tell the guys. And don't panic"

He only had to wait 45 seconds before Mari texted back.

"Okay, sure, what do you need?"

Joshua froze, not sure how to ask.

"I need a pad."

Short, simple, to the point.

Hopefully Mari would be discreet and not make a big deal about it.

"Okay, are you in the RR?"

"Yes"

"Be right there"

Thankfully it was a single stall room with a lockable door.

Joven paced while he waited, but there was a knock on the door rather quickly


	4. Chapter 4

Joven had resorted to pacing the small length of the single stall bathroom.

But Mari's knock came quickly.

"Joven?"

Taking in a calming breath Joshua unlocked the door and opened it enough for Mari to hand him the object. 

"Thanks."

He looked out the crack.

Mari nodded and smiled supportively.

"No, problem Joshua. Do you want me to wait?"

Joven hesitated. 

"Uhm, it's up to you, I should be good."

Mari nodded and Joshua offered a smile back then shut the door.

Joshua really wasn't sure if he'd be okay.

He could feel the beginnings of an anxiety attack.

Carefully, but quickly Joven adjusted his pants to include the pad.

The spotting hadn't been that heavy, so it probably wasn't that bad.

Nothing to worry about, he tried to assure himself.

After taking one last look in the mirror, pushing back the dysphoric thoughts Joshua opened the bathroom door and stepped out.

Mari was leaning next to the wall, tapping away on her phone, but she looked up when Joshua came out.

"Everything good?"

Joshua nodded.

"I'm fine, it's probably just stress."

Mari nodded sympathetically.

"But you're okay, right?"

Joven knew that Mari was asking about more than his physical well-being and nodded.

"I'll make an appointment with my doctor, just to be safe."

He offered her a bright smile, anxious to get back to filming.

"Okay, let's go then."

* * *

 

Later in the day when everyone was either getting ready to leave or already gone Wes waited for Joven to finish up before the two of them drove home.

Joshua was stuck in his head, he hadn't stopped thinking about his 'spotting' and his mind amiably supplied many outrageous causes and outcomes, everything from pregnancy to cancer and Joshua was freaking himself out.  

"Joven?"

Wes called, bringing his friend back to reality.

"Huh, oh, yeah?"

"Is everything okay?"

Joven nodded, looking straight ahead.

"Because, well, I thought maybe something happened today, um after we finished with Super Smash."

Joven didn't respond.

"Just, um, you can talk to me about anything, man, just um I hope you know that."

Joven parked the car, they were home.

"Yeah, I know Wes."

The two made it upstairs and unlocked their front door. 

Joven headed straight for his room and put his bag down, closed the door and got changed.

It still wasn't bad, but the blood hadn't stopped.

When Joven came out he found Wes in the kitchen, making a sandwich. 

"Okay, so something did happen at work today, but it's not a big deal- nothing serious.

Joshua opened one of the cabinets and grabbed a bag of pretzels. 

"What happened?"

Wes' full attention was on his friend, sandwich momentarily forgotten.

"Nothing to worry about, I just need to make an appointment with my doctor."

"Are you sick?"

Joven shook his head.

"No, I just... it's..."

Joven didn't know how to say it.

If he just said 'oh, i'm spotting' Wes wouldn't know what they were talking about, and Joven didn't want to weird him out by talking about menstruation and shit. 

Hell he was weirded out enough for both of them.

"I'm... spotting."

As expected Wes looked confused.

Joven rushed to explain.

"Since I've been taking T since I was 14, I don't have to deal with 'women' issues, like menstruation, but my doctor said that sometimes with stress it can happen."

Joshua had already explained his bi-monthly T shots to Wes, something he usually had to wait for Wes to be out of the apartment to do.

Wes nodded, and looked more relieved. 

"I can drive you, if you want."

Joshua grinned but shook his head.

"Thanks, man, but I'll be fine.

Joven headed into their living room and turned on the TV and the two of them watched last night's recording of Arrow.

* * *

 

 

Joven woke up the next morning before his alarm by a stinging pain in his abdomen. 

With some difficulty Joshua dragged himself to his bathroom. 

When he finally made it to the toilet, Joven almost fainted.

The bleeding had gotten so much worse.

He cleaned up as much as he could and changed into a t-shirt and black jeans with two pairs of underwear.

Still in pain Joven was able to get up, find the car keys, take the elevator down, and get in his car.

There was a corner store close by that would have pads and pain medicine, Joshua would get those first and then worry about what to do next. 

 

* * *

The sun was just rising when Joven came back and unlocked the door.

He had immediately taken (too many) of the pills once he had gotten back in his car and the pain was still getting worse.

Once again Joven pulled himself into the bathroom, cleaned up, and then used one of the newly bought pads.

When he was done, Joven lay down, exhausted on his bed.

A new sharp stinging sensation caused Joshua to actually cry out.

_Okay, okay, think, think. Wake up, Wes. I should go to the doctors. Call in sick._

Joven gritted his teeth, but finally gave in.

"Wes!!?"

He shouted, staring at his ceiling and hand pressing on his stomach.

A few seconds later Wes stumbled into his doorway.

He must have sounded panicked, judging by the look on his roommate's face.

"Wha? What's wrong?"

Joven went to answer when another wave of pain hit him.

"Joshua!?"

Wes sounded more panicked and more awake.

"I- I think I need to go to the doctors, Wes."

"Uh, yeah, what's wrong though."

"My--- it hurts"

Joven clutched his lower stomach.

"And I'm bleeding worse."

"Okay, okay, okay"

Wes frantically helped Joven to get up and out of the house and down to the car.

"Okay, I'm taking you to the ER."

Wes said, buckling in and looking at his friend, who was clearly in pain.

"No! Just, go to- just to the doctors."

Wes pulled out and shook his head.

"No way. One, it's 6 in the morning, the doctor's office isn't open and two this looks serious, Joven."

"Please, Wes, not the hospital."

Joven begged, but Wes shook his head and headed to the hospital.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am not a transman, i am genderfluid, but not on hormones, so i have no actual idea about the true effects of T and/or 'spotting', so keep that in mind.


	5. Chapter 5

Wes took Joven to the hospital, even though Joven begged him not to the entire way. 

He parked by the ER entrance and half carried/half dragged Joven inside.

"I'm feeling better, Wes, we should just go home. No hospitals."

Joven was nearly delirious now.

"Help?"

Wes called out when they got inside.

A nurse quickly came over and helped Wes drag Joven to a chair and sit him down.

"What's wrong, gentlemen?" 

The nurse asked, waving over his colleague.

"He's bleeding a lot, and he's in a lot of pain."

"Bleeding?"

The first nurse looked at Wes.

"Yeah, um, he's..."

"Where? Is it an open wound, was he attacked?"

Wes shook his head and followed the two men to an empty bed, where they laid Joven.

"He wasn't attacked, he just... I really don't know."

Wes looked at his near unconscious friend, looking lost and scared.

"Sir, I need you to tell me where the bleeding is."

But the second nurse had seen the blood stain on the sheets underneath Joven.

"Anal bleeding?" 

He muttered to his coworker.

"No!" 

Wes said.

"Joshua said it was just because of stress."

The two looked at him with confusion and impatience.

"Joshua's transgender..."

Wes said hesitantly, this was his friend's biggest secret, but it was all related, Wes guessed, to his 'female' biology.

"Irregular, unexpected menstrual cycle?"

The first said to the second.

"He called it spotting?"

"Kid, this is definately worse than just spotting. Carl, get Dr. Spore."

The second said.

"What's your name?"

"Wes Johnson"

"Okay Wes, and you're friend's Joshua?"

Wes nodded.

The nurse gently pulled out Joven's wallet from his back pocket.

"I'm just getting his ID and insurance, do you know who his PCP is?"

"Dr. Rives at the General Practice in Baldwin."

Wes said, remembering what Joven had said when he scheduled an appointment the day before.

"Dr. Nora Rives?" 

Wes shrugged.

"I don't know."

"We have a Dr. Rives here- she works in Baldwin, too, I'll see if she's on duty tonight when Dr. -- Dr. Spore"

A young man, Dr. Spore came in.

"Jeffries, we're going to admit him, he seems to have lost lots of blood, so get an IV."

He, Dr. Spore, turned to Wes.

"Dr. Spore."

Wes shook his hand.

"Wes Johnson."

Dr. Spore took Wes aside while nurses worked with Joven.

"And you're Joshua's...?"

"Roommate and friend. And coworker."

Wes looked over the doctor's shoulder in worry.

"Your friend will be fine, Mr. Johnson, once he's more stable will get an x-ray and see if there's anything inside that's causing the bleeding. Can you tell me when this started?"

Wes focused back on Dr. Spore.

"Yesterday, um around 3 I think? Joven went to the bathroom and texted Mari and then she got something from her desk and took it to him, when we got home he told me that he was... 'spotting' - I think that's what he said. He said it wasn't bad, but he woke me up just now and he looked really sick and said he was bleeding a lot and in pain."

Dr. Spore nodded.

"He didn't want to come here, doctor. He wanted me to just take him to see his regular doctor, he begged me not to bring him here, but I was worried."

Dr. Spore looked concerned but reasurred Wes.

"No, you did the right thing, bringing him here. Does he have a fear of hospitals? Or bad experiences?"

Wes shook his head.

"Joven doesn't like to talk about his past."

Dr. Spore nodded. 

"Dr. Spore, sir?"

The second nurse came over. 

"His blood pressure is stable now, but he has a fever of 102. His PCP, Dr. Nora Rives is coming down now." 

Dr. Spore nodded his head.

"Good, good, thank you Jeffries. Mr. Johnson, you can stay in the room with your friend while we wait for him to wake up and stabilize, but if you need to be at work, he will be safe here."

Wes shook his head.

"No, I'm staying. I just- I should call Ian or Anthony and let them know what's going on and that we won't be at work."

Dr. Spore nodded.

"You'll have to step outside, there's no phone use inside."

Wes nodded.

"Thank you, doctor."

 

 

Wes stood outside in the light rain.

Ring.

Ring.

"Hello?"

Anthony yawned into the phone.

"Hey, sorry to call so early, but it's kind of an emergency."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the hospital scene was way too--- calm and slow. But I've never been admitted to the ER while conscious so I don't know the procedure. 
> 
> The reason why Joven didn't want to go to the hospital is because some doctors/nurses/hospitals are horrible to trans people.


	6. Chapter 6

"Emergency?" 

Anthony was more awake now.

"Joven's in the hospital. I'm here with him."

"He's-- why's he in the hospital, what happened." 

"I'm not really sure, I didn't understand it, but it has something to do with menstruation and he's in pain and he lost a lot of blood and he has a fever."

"Shit. Okay, are you staying with him, or..." 

"Yeah, I'm not coming to work today- neither of us are."

"Okay, listen we'll stop by- I don't think they'll let us see him, but we'll be there for him, okay?"

"Yeah."  


* * *

Wes was half asleep outside of Joven's hospital room, laying on an uncomfortable sofa. 

Joven, himself, wasn't in the room- they were still doing tests. 

It was quiet, only the sounds of the machines and the nurses down the hall.

Visiting hours for the other patients on the floor didn't start for another hour.

Wes finally dozed off for a moment when he was woken by a frantic woman. 

"I'm here for Joshua Ovenshire? Is he okay?"

She was speaking to the head nurse.

Wes sat up and focused on her more.

"And who are you, ma'am?"

The head nurse- Rose- asked.

"His aunt, and only relative. Margaret Williams."

Joven had mentioned her before, he had told them that he went to live with her when he was 14.

Rose checked her paperwork. 

"Ms. Williams, you're nephew is in x-ray right now. He should be back in an hour or so, but he's still uncounsious right now. You can take a seat in his room or by Mr. Johnson there."

She pointed and Maggie turned to see Wes. 

"Mr. Johnson?" 

Rose nodded. 

"He's the one who brought Joshua in."

Maggie thanked Rose and walked to Wes.

"Hello."

"Nice to meet you, ma'am." 

Wes hesitated then added.

"Though with the circumstances..."

"May I sit?"

Wes scooted and made room.

Maggie thought.

"Wes Johnson, I'm Joven's roommate and coworker... and friend."

Maggie smiled.

"Joshua has told me all about you, it's nice to meet you, Wes."

Her smile dimmed.

"How is he? What happened?"

Wes was interrupted.

"Miss Williams?"

Both turned.

"Dr. Rives, I'm Mr. Ovenshire's PCP, may I talk to you?"

"Of course, what's wrong with Joshua?"

"After running some tests it is, in my professional opinion, that Mr. Ovenshire is showing symptoms much like those in PCOS."

Maggie turned to Wes to see if he knew what that meant, but he was just as confused. 

"PCOS stands for Polycystic ovary syndrome, when the ovaries become enlarged with small cysts on the outer edges. It's most often caused by hormonal disorder, and is common with FTMs taking testosterone. The good news is that it is not fatal, and treatable."

Wes still looked confused, but Maggie sighed in relief. 

"So he'll be okay?"

She asked the same time Wes asked

"What's the bad news?"

"Yes, Mr. Ovenshire will be fine, Ms. Williams. However, in order for him to recover Mr. Ovenshire will most likely need a hysterectomy."

"Many trans men often have this done within 5 years after starting testosterone, Mr. Ovenshire and I discussed it in the past but he was uncomfortable with how invasive the surgery is. This time it'll still be Mr. Ovenshire's choice, but without a hysterectomy he can only rely on "home remedies" to stop the pain"

 


	7. Chapter 7

There were a couple things that Joshua noticed when he woke up. 

One was that he wasn't in pain anymore.

Another was that he was laying in a hospital bed.

And that his aunt was sitting in a chair in the corner reading a magazine. 

Also his throat was parched.

"Maggie?"

When he moved in with her Joshua stopped calling her Aunt Maggie.

Maggie looked up and smiled widely at him in relief.

He never called her mom, though, Joshua knew she understood why he didn't.

Maggie was meant much more to him than his mother did, she was better than a mom.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

She stood up and set the magazine face down, still open on the chair then walked to his bedside.

Joshua went to answer, but he ended up coughing instead.

Maggie raised her hand in a stop motion and reached over to press the 'call' button on his bed.

"Wait for the nurse, she'll get you something for your throat." 

Soon a middle aged woman in pink scrubs walked in.

She did not look happy. 

Joshua swallowed thickly, thinking of how he specifically told Wes to not take him to the hospital. 

"He just woke up and his throat is bothering him, can he have some water or ice?"

Maggie picked up on her nephew's tension and made her voice extra cheerful.

Maggie was thinking the same thing as Joshua, both were remembering the last time Joshua had been in a general hospital.

The nurse nodded, lips pursed and turned right out of the room.

Joshua let out an inaudible sigh.

A few minutes later a different nurse came back with a plastic cup filled with ice chips.

"Hello, sorry about that, it's good to see you awake, Mr. Ovenshire."

The man smiled and handed the cup to Maggie.

"We're going to have to wait for a bit for Dr. Rives. You can't have any water right now, but you're allowed some ice chips for your throat."

The man smiled again and checked the machines next to Joshua's bed.

Joshua took a few ice chips from Maggie and after letting them soothe his throat he asked.

"What's wrong with me?"

Needing to know as soon as possible, all he could remember was the blood and his pain.

"Dr. Rives will be in shortly to talk with you."

The nurse looked apologetic, Dr. Rives probably had ordered them not to talk to Joshua about this.

Joshua nodded and laid back, with the help of Maggie who adjusted his bed.

"But, what I can do is tell you that your friends are out in the waiting room and if you're feeling up to it I can let them in for a few minutes?" 

Joshua smiled and nodded and watched the nurse work and his aunt sit back down. 

Quickly after his nurse left the room for a minute and when he came back he was followed by all of Joshua's friends.

Joshua smiled, feeling suddenly tired and waved them in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> filler, just this is what i have so far, i'm sorry


	8. Chapter 8

Joshua’s right pointer finger had a small clip on it that was measuring his blood oxygen levels.

Joshua was currently tapping in rapidly against the raised post on the gurney he was laying on.

Early in the morning they had gone through more tests and he was now waiting for surgery.

The machine connected to the pulse ox shrilly beeped, startling Joshua.

A nurse peeked in and pushed the curtain away as she moved towards the machine.

She smiled at him and gently took his hand and fiddled with the clip.

She pursed her lips but left it on his finger and her fingers moved down to his wrist and she checked his pulse, looking at her wristwatch.

She nodded to herself then looked down at him.

“Try not to wiggle this finger too much, alright? These things are pretty sensitive.”

Joshua tried to smile back and nodded.

She gave him one last smile and went back out.

Still nervous Joshua couldn’t stop it when his left pointer finger began to tap.

A few minutes later a different nurse came in, this time pulling the curtain all the way back, clearing the way for the gurney.

“Alright, Mr. Ovenshire, let’s get you into surgery.”

The nurse unattached all the monitors and the like from Joshua and then moved around the gurney, unlocking its wheels then went behind it and pushed.

 

After winding down a series of hallways and one trip on the elevator the nurse parked the gurney right next to an operating table.

He helped Joshua scoot from the gurney to the table and handed Joshua a blanket.

“Here, you can have this while we wait for the doctors, they’ll remove it once you're under.”

And he helped Joshua lay down and get settled before hooking him up to some things.

A tall older man wearing scrubs and a matching cap came in and stood beside the table watching and waiting patiently for the nurse to finish.

The nurse looked at the man when he was done and said.

“All ready, Dr. Gershwin.”

The doctor nodded.

After the nurse rolled away the gurney Dr. Gershwin addressed Joshua.

“Mr. Ovenshire, I’m Dr. Gershwin.”

Joshua smiled and said

“Hey”

“I’m your anesthesiologist and just need to ask a few questions before we put you under.”

Joshua shrugged and nodded.

“Now, according to your file you’ve had anesthesia before with no negative reactions, is that correct?”

Joshua nodded.

“That’s right.”

“Good, good. Now before did you have the mask or just an injection?”

“The mask”

Dr. Gershwin nodded.

“And are you comfortable with the mask, some patients feel uncomfortable with it, like they can’t breathe.”

Joshua shook his head.

“No, I’m fine with it.”

“Good, good. Well…”

Dr. Gershwin looked and gestured around the room.

“Well as soon as my colleagues get here we’ll get started.”

Joshua nodded then both of them turned towards the door as they heard two people outside yelling.

“I’ll go see what that is, I’ll send in my assistant to keep you company.”

Dr. Gershwin quickly left the room and moments later a younger man came in and smiled at Joshua before checking some equipment.

“We should be starting soon.”

Joshua nodded and settled in, relaxing.

 

The yelling didn’t stop and Joshua couldn’t make out what was being said.

Dr. Gershwin came back in pushing the doors open so hard that they hit the walls with a crack.

“That bastard!”

Dr. Gershwin muttered and walked over to where his assistant was.

“Is everything okay?”

Joshua asked, timidly.

“What? Oh, oh. It’ll be fine, don’t worry _Mr_. Ovenshire.”

Dr. Gershwin looked at him intently, and Joshua could have imagined it but it sounded like he stressed the “Mister”.

Dr. Gershwin looked like he would say something else but shook his head and turned back to the machines.

Another doctor came in, judging by the scrubs, cap, and mask that was around her neck.

“Mr. Ovenshire, I’m Dr. Kim, and I’d like to apologize for all the commotion and this long wait, we’ll be starting as soon as Dr. Yu comes up from his office.”

Joshua nodded.

“Uh, okay.”

Another doctor came in and she looked just as agitated and flushed as Dr. Kim.

“Mr. Ovenshire, I’m Dr. Richardson”

she introduced herself and checked the machines around Joshua.

Joshua wanted to ask what was wrong as he waited in the doctors’ tense silence, but he didn’t and soon another man wearing scrubs came in.

“Alright, I’m here. Hello, Mr. Ovenshire, I’m Dr. Yu, I apologize for my colleague, Dr. Tate’s rudeness."

Joshua nodded back in confusion.

And the others in the room looked at Dr. Yu.

“Oh, no one told you.”

Dr. Yu looked very flustered and embarrassed now.

Joshua shook his head.

“We were going to tell him after the surgery, that way it doesn’t complicate things and he’ll have a chance to sue.”

Joshua looked at Dr. Richardson in confusion.

“Aye, just tell him.”

Dr. Gershwin’s accented voice said from somewhere behind him.

“Dr. Tate, was scheduled to be here.”

Dr. Yu started

“However…”

He trailed off.

Joshua could guess the rest.

“However he’s a complete asshole and a piece of transphobic shit.”

Dr. Kim spat then looked apologetically at Joshua.

Yep.

He had guessed right.

“I’m sorry.”

She apologized again.

Frowning and trying not to think negatively about himself Joshua shrugged.

“It’s not the first time.”

It hadn’t been.

Last time he had been in the hospital, the only time he had when he had lived with Maggie

\- not counting when he had gone in for top surgery –

he had gotten pneumonia and the doctor on call in the ER refused to treat him because he was transgender.

Joshua sighed, it wasn’t something he like to think about.

“Well, if you’re ready to start…?”

Joshua nodded and soon he was counting down from 10.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end for now.... may continue it later.  
> sorry


End file.
